Who is Wayne Gretzky?

Most of the time, I actually kind of enjoy the company of the opposite sex. But, the other day I encountered several girls who had no idea The Great One is. I found this out because when I was talking about Wayne, these broads interrupted me by asking "Who is Wayne Gretzky?" I thought they were joking. I HOPED they were joking. Then, the other girl net to her said "I think he's a football player." If I had a blunt object I would've repeatedly beat myself with it. I would've said something to them but I was speechless. After a minute of silent self reflection, I said/yelled "He's the best hockey player who ever lived! How do you not know who he is!?!" One replied, " I don't know, no one cares about hockey." Luckily, I've been slapped in the face before so this was a familiar feeling. I then replied "Carrie Underwood does!" then I stormed out. A few days after this little incident I was watching the San Jose sharks vs. The Chicago Blackhawks With my friend Conor Naab. Long story short, the same event occurred. To add insult to emotional injury after the third period he asked, "So how long until the fourth quarter starts?" I then realized that I was surrounded by people who know absolutely nothing of hockey. I have to do something about this. I decided to blog a few important things about hockey for you all. To start with, Wayne mother f***ing Gretzky (yes, that's his middle name) is the best hockey player who ever lived. He nearly attained 3000 career NHL points and is basically the Michael Jordan/Tiger Woods of hockey. If you don't know who Michael Jordan or Tiger Woods are... Then may God have mercy on your soul. Anyway, lets get to some hockey terminology. Bender- a hockey player who skates bowlegged and generally isn't good. Gongshow- basically a crazy insane experience in a hockey game. Flood- when zambonies clean the ice. Radar shot- a huge wind-up for a shot. Period- the time interval in which they play. Goal- when the puck goes in the net. Now, do yourself a favor and watch the playoffs on Versus network, use a few of these words, and impress all of your friends with your vast knowledge of the sport. Welser, OUT.